Joke of the day

[metalears]

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and acne?

Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about 15

[uomgoblue]

THE FARMER AND HIS CHICKEN:

AN OLD FARMER WENT TO TOWN TO SEE A MOVIE. THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR,
WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCKY. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK
GOES."

"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT. "WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE
THEATER."

THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED THE BIRD DOWN HIS
OVERALLS. HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET AND ENTERED THE
THEATER.
HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE. THE MOVIE
STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. THE OLD FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS
FLY SO CHUCKY COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE. "MARGE,"
WHISPERED MILDRED.

"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.

"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT." "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?"
ASKED MARGE.

"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT," WHISPERED MILDRED. "WELL,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT," SAID MARGE. "HELL, AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM
ALL".

"I THOUGHT SO TOO, " SAID MILDRED, "BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN".

[linebacker]

What would you say to a lesbian from Holland?


Ever put your finger in a dike?

[Glen Morangie]

Fungus 53

[happy beau]

[theaprilfool]

Metalears, You are the Joke of the Decade!

[metalears]

One day in Heaven John Lennon was sitting around looking pretty blue. Luckily steve Mcqueen was on the next cloud over, And he came by and asked lennon how come he was so downin-the-mouth.

" oh, I miss Yoko and Sean and my fans, I guess, " Said Lennon. :It's not just as much fun being dead as it was being alive." "Well cheer up."Said McQueen, "I'm having a party."

So Lennon was looking pretty cheerful when Bob Marley drifted by a few hours later. "what's happening, Mon?" He asked. "why you look so cheerful?"

Steve McQueen's having a party and I'm invited."explained Lennon happily,only to have his cancelled. "howcome?" He asked dejectedly. "bobby sands came early,"explained Marley, "and he ate all the food."*

How did they know Vic Morrow had dandruff? They found his head and shoulders in the bushes.

[Chris Bulla]

damn funny

[O&AVirus&more]

am i drunk?

yes/

funny!

[XM matters]

A blind man enters a bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.

The woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Sir, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1 - The bartender is a blonde woman
2 - The bouncer is a blonde woman
3 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight-lifter
4 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler
5 - I'm a 6 foot, 200 lb. blonde woman with a PhD, a black belt in karate and a very bad attitude

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and says, "Nah - not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

[linebacker]

What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a prostitue with diarhea?




The corn farmer has fits while he shucks.

[Keri_katt]

Erhuff & UomGoBlue were playing golf one day
ErhufF hit his ball of into the woods
He found it in a patch of buttercups
He swung & swung until all of the buttercups were gone
***POOF*** a cloud of smoke & Mother nature appears
"Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups Erhuff? For ruining them your punishment is that you'll never have butter on your popcorn.... or your toast...you know what? You'll never have butter for anything ever again!"
***Poof*** she was gone
Stunned, Erhuff yells "Hey Blue, where are ya?"
Blue says "My ball landed in a patch of pussywillows."
Erhuff yells in a panic "DON'T SWING AT IT!!!"

[GaruLee]

One time, me and Malenurse were driving in the country, when i see a goat with its head stuck in the fence. "Pull over," i said to Malenurse. So he pulls over and i get out and start to fuck this goat with its head stuck in the fence. After a few minutes of watchin, Malenurse says, "MAN, I gotta get me some of that." So i say, "sure, go ahead."

So then Malenurse puts his head in the fence......

[Keri_katt]

I can't wait for his rebuttal

[GaruLee]